Diarrhea of the Mind

What should have been History

2007-06-12T22:58:19Z

When you dissect the initial intention of education--to bring out the intellect of the individual so that they can contribute meaningfully to society and master good citizenship skills-is it possible to educate and be geared heavily on assessment? I still believe that we can accomplish that purpose despite high stakes testing. Are subjects like social studies being diminished in schools?--yes and no. Yes, history is becoming history, in a way, because time is so focused on reading and math that it is being marginalized. It appears that the only attention it receives is whatever Harcourt publishes, which we all know is a watered down, anglosized version of the truth.(But, heck, isn't that what we've been getting after all these years anyhow?) Does knowing facts and figures make you a good test taker--you bet!, but does it make you a good citizen, a consciencious human being--not so much.
Nevertheless, I can still find hope that social studies instruction is going through a metamorphosis and what comes out is a much richer and compelling version of how we spent and continue to spend our time as humans. With this in mind, as educators, we have to reach out of ourselves and try to distill what are the honest objectives of social studies. Clearly, despite on-going historical proof that war is destructive and can never achieve everlasting power, we haven't learned a damn. It's disturbing, in light of our war mongering political stance these days, that we would have learned that history lesson that violence does not beget peace. However, have you ever considered that maybe just maybe we can take this opportunity to promote another version of history by creating it in our classrooms. I am not taliking about making stuff up, but instead of talking about specific battles, we focus more on the cause and effect of war, for example. We've got no time for the details, so intergrating themes and lessons that really promote the broader scope of citizenship could still be accessed in our curriculum. So, in lieux of that, I feel it opens the doors wide open for us teachers to teach tolerance by virtue of a lit. study of "The Watsons go to Birmingham" or using our diverse classrooms to explore customs and traditions with a project based learning assignment.

The truth is that we have a lot of creative liscense, despite the standands and NCLB. We must actively choose to use our intelligence and imagination to sort through the "knowledge" and present the causes and effects of our choices--which is all history really is, how humans have decided to use their power for self-expression. At the end of the day, it won't be our student's test scores that really make us successful as teachers, but the quality of their relationships and ability to make good decisions. We have complete say in that.

Give me that octopus

2007-06-12T15:13:04Z

Finally quiet abides, only a slight jangle from the otherwise obnoxious cacophony of the previous moment. I appreciate the dichotomy of sound.

"You are searching,.. for things that don't exist; I mean beginnings. Ends and beginnings---there are no such things. There are only middles"

-Robert Frost-

Time germinates reality with its creation of awareness of space. The curiousity belies in the relevance and importance we assign to time. Believing in time creates stress because we attribute a completion of a task must inhabit a certain framework of reality. We must arrive somewhere, do something, and finish something "somewhen" which we define. When in reality, our intention manages to emerge in porportion to our belief in its emergance. If we believe wholeheartedly, then our belief propels it into existance.

(Saying "I don't care" characterizes a total falsehood of our desires-- Of course we care!! Even indecision begets a decision.)

Right here, right now, I live smack dab in the middle of wherever my whatever experience exists. Contentment of this moment relieves my stress and banishes any perceived need in this reality of mine. I have released, purged, and shifted into a new NOW. I would like to cling to this notion but time "moves" too fast for me to maintain my grip so I must constantly find something else. Which is why sound dissipates as a heated moment gives off steam -must continue on ward.

I let go of the stick. The game ends. Boredom.

Now let's play another game. Excitement. Give me the octopus!

jkbooty @ 2007-06-01T13:04:00

2007-06-06T20:04:55Z

The word is not just a sound or a written symbol. The word is a force ..... it is a tool of magic.
Whenever we hear an opionion and believe it, we make an agreement.
-Don Miguel Ruiz-

How many lies do we tell ourselves daily? How many spells are we under by the power of someone else's opinion which we have absorbed into our venacular? It is astounding to comtemplate the multitude of ideas that we have agreed to use to define our lives with.

Streaming

2007-05-31T15:05:27Z

Consciously adverting the obvious discourse can sometimes be tedious and meaningless. In order to think in paradoxical situations, one must retrieve the steadfast nature of their inner being. Thus far this morning, I have been tiptoeing and wrestling with intricate objects of feeling and monstrous waves of emotions that have seized me like the giant squid clutches its prey in its tentacles. I well up with enthusiasm and joy knowing that today is utterly marvelous and free from worries. It is the breaking of the dawn that inspires motions in this atmosphere of endless desire. The itch to diffuse pain and suffering is curiously the opposite on the coin of beautiful dichotomies. Duality plays a significant role in elucidating awareness of inner beingness to our external world of material possessions and other solid like things. It might be of interest to conclude the conversation with a sigh of relief due to the fact that tap dancing around topics is gruesome at its best. Why not melt like icecream and bubble like cold soda pop in a frosty mug? Oh, heat, you say. No, just illusions of temperatures that exceed our bodies. If I could reach into the bag of fate and pull out an object, it would be a treasure chest, full of success and self-confidence. I often day dream about the stars as they call to me mercilessly during the waking day. The blue moon illuminates the desert floor, creating silhouettes of beauty and shadows of consciousness.

Consciousness....Consciousness.. Regaining Consciousness.

The garbage truck finally arrives, creating a clamor in the neighborhood, announcing that all the unwantables are going to be safely stowed away in a land field nearby. Don't worry- you're not the only one polluting and creating a festering heap on an oasis. No editing, eh? I forgot.

The pole stands in a diagonal, resting on the ledge of something useful. The bottle tips its hat to and makes a polite comment to this author. I never would have guessed it was bald, but hairless, no doubt. It makes me search for things that foster a tingling sensation in my left foot that drives up the center of my shin, reverberates in my hip, zips up my spine, and advertises its existence to my brain. Yes, I know you, but I'm afraid that I am busy today so I must be getting on. Only a minute left, which leaves me breathless in trepidation of what is to come.

Teaching you a Lesson

2007-05-30T16:53:29Z

Sometimes we get mad over the most irrelevant and benign things. In fact, there is really no point to anger because it is counterproductive to problem solving. Every once in a while I get myself really bent out of shape just to "teach someone a lesson", ie: Revenge.

Sometimes I do it, not because I have been directly hurt or effected, but just for the sole purpose of punishing a "bad" choice. In an effort to do this I get myself worked up, heart aching, eye brow furrowing, and shoulder clenching mad.

Completely pointless because, in the end, the only person who really gets the "lesson" is me. And the lesson is this: Stop wasting your energy and time! Hafiz would probably add, Loving is the only the only thing I am supposed to do.

I smile, releasing the need to be right or, more truthfully, to make others feel wrong.

I think I got the lesson.

Overseas

2007-05-30T15:32:47Z

As I look outside the window, there is a wonderful view of the mountain tops of the Santa Catalinas. So why would I want to go anywhere else? But now that I am approaching the completion of my Master's program, my heart longs to be somewhere else, living in a foreign land. I don't know where yet, but it will afford me opportunities to travel, and to grow our children in a culturally rich environment.

Overseas.

Good morning

2007-05-29T15:12:16Z

THE POWER OF DECISION (Barker):
Decision is the most important function of the individual mind. No creative process can begin until the decision is made.

Have you ever looked up synonyms for the word decision before? Here are some of the interesting alternatives that arise from such a study:

certitude
assurance
conviction
confidence
masterfulness
self-possession
determination
imperativeness
conclusion
consequence
definition

I could go on and on, as there are so many, but the list I have above is sufficient to convey my meaning.

We make a million decisions every day, consciously or unconsciously. There is a great deal of energy that goes into making a decision, which seems to be clearly illustrated with its infinite expression. What I find so illuminating is that the words used to define the process of choice is their flavor of finality-not even black of white, and certainly no grey area. Once you decide something, it denotes a conclusive event; and, throughout our day, we make piles upon piles of decisions that accumulate into the events of our lives.

Every day we wake up to our decisions and create new ones as we move along. It all begins with our mood and transfers into moments of either ecstasy or fear, with a wide degree of variance within this polarity.

So the first thing I must decide today is whether or not it is going to be a Good Morning. Looking back on the list, I have to embrace this process with seriousness because my choice will set a ball into motion that will dictate the rest of my day.

Okay, yes-it is with certitude and confidence that today is productive, easy, and full of intuitive events that will steer me into more decisions of its kind.

In nutshell, yes, it is a good morning.

A Dog's Life

2007-05-28T14:36:14Z

People often underestimate the intelligence of dogs, going so far to say that potbelly pigs have more upstairs than canines. Of course I don't believe that, even though I do think that there is a rather large spread of diversity when it comes to their brain capacity, just like another favorite mammal of mine-humans. Aside from having a keen sense of smell and hearing, they often have to interpret the gibberish of our language, using tones as clues to decipher the code. In their simple yet sophifisticated minds, our "blah, blah, blah" gets transmitted into "walk", "potty", "sit", "paw", etc.... And what I love the most is that they can usually determine disguised intentions and ambiguous inuendos. It's interesting to see their interpretation of our banter.
Not only that, but they comprehend a plenitude of foreign languages such as Arabic, Farsi, German, Hindi, Chinese, Japanese, Mongolian, Russian, Polish, Spanish, Italian, English, and Swahili--just to name a few.

On the other hand, it is rare that you have a human who understands Dog. I know, I know--if you are an avid dog lover you are going to arm wrestle me on this one, tell me stories about when Fluffy nudges her nose under your arm when you are sleeping that she wants you to take her outside to pop a squat, but I'm not talking about the physical cues, I'm alluding to Bark. Most humans think that Bark equates to signaling danger or anger and frustration, sometimes even playfulness, which it does based upon our perception. Usually when a dog meets you, have you ever noticed that it barks at you? The owner apologizes and commands their dog to "stop" which, in most cases, the dog obliges dutifully, never allowing you to engage in a Dog dominated dialogue. Hence the reason why many dogs, since they are domesticated, now rely on a supernatural communication system to "talk" with one another mostly. Once again, I know, I know--you are entitled to your opinion that I've gone too far with this ludicrous commentary, but hear me out.

How is it that dogs know that their owner is coming home, anxious for their arrival? How about when they have "sensed" when their loved one is in need of rescue? Or their uncanny ability to conspire to chase a cat, rabbit or bird successfully down, which cannot just be done by scent alone? If you own a dog , you could probably come up with countless other occasions that , now that I mention it, would fit into this queer category of dog intelligence.

Don't argue with me. I cannot be swayed or convinced otherwise. Dogs, albeit strangely indebted to humans, docile and content to be "man's best friend", are much wiser than we think and give credit to. I am sure of it. Are they more intelligent than us?? Well, they have US going to the store buying them their breakfast, lunch, and dinner plus all the other amenities such as treats, bones, and toys. Who is master and who is servant-not mine to say, but I highly suggest that you learn Bark.

Burbling

2007-05-28T13:56:22Z

House sitting gives you a chance to live someone's else's life. You can compare what you like or don't like about your own as well as what you like or don't like about theirs. I thought this job would be peaceful, which is does at moments, but other times I feel rushed and unrested.

Then it begs the question: does having more stuff really make you happy?? Not sure about that one. The verdict is still out. But then I think: I want a house. I want a computer. I want a dog. I want a ............(fill in the blank). But then I have those things and I feel conflicted, not sure if I want to hatch from my egg, embrace materialism and live the "American dream". I guess I want for the sake of wanting, or experiencing my own power of desire by acquiring things; and since untangibles are hard to quantify, then I must resort to tangibles. Makes sense really.

Okay, another mystery unraveled.

This is your brain on Trancendtal Philosophy

2007-01-27T16:50:19Z

“…..Cosmic intelligence works by a law of averages which allows a margin of accident and failure to the individual. But the progress towards higher intelligence is always in the direction of narrowing down this margin of accident and taking the individual more and more out of the law of averages, and substituting the law of individual selection.” – T. Troward, from the lecture, The Higher Mode of Intelligence, Controls the Lower-

As my background is originally in Genetics, I naturally and immediately caught the spark of this discourse on survival of the fittest. However, i found a diffeent meaning to the literal one that he was presenting. For me, this sounded like unconsicousness vs. consciousness, whereby, when you are unconsciously projecting mental messages, some of them will be good ones and some will not be so hot—accident and failures, as he likes to call them. As one’s intelligence (consciousness) expands, so too is their purposeful choosing of thoughts which befit the quality or trait that the individual favors. When this intelligent design is enpowered, than those favorable thoughts are more likely to survive and magnify than those ideas of unfavorable qualities or traits. To take a step back further, this “law of averages” that he speaks of is a reflection of the muliplication and division of those mental messages, such that the message with the most points, wins—it averages out, or competes for manifestation. In genetic terms, it would be refered to reproductive success.

For me, with my incessant thinking mind, I care very much about the quality of my thoughts. It doesn’t matter if I am thinking about myself, a friend or loved one, a child, work, school, whatever-- what I percieve, I receive into my reality. the more I recognize this the more I am able to identify where my thoughts have taken me in my life experience, my today and where it will take me in my tommorrow. But the challenge is working wiith the law of averages, in which you have been shoveling trash into you head about how much you suck in this or that, or other “blah, blah, blah”, nonsense—complete uniintelligent, useless, deleterious ideas—and mutating them into an adaptive strategy for naturally selecting the “fittest” or more ideal condition into your experience. There are so many examples of this in life, observing people imprisioned in poverty and hopelessness or others rolling in material wealth and/or great personal contributions to society. Heros and hecklers alike are akin to these Laws.

The extension of Darwin’s theory superimposed onto tracendentalism has an interesting way of showing up in Life.

There’s an old PIXIES song called where is my mind that contains a lot of truth, “with your feet in the air and your head on the ground…where is my mind?….way out there in the water, sinking or swimming” . The wonderful news is that this is NOT a random process, so I get to choose the good stuff. And I do.

Hybrid Reindeer

2006-12-23T00:31:59Z

Holidays are such a funny time where you feel
compelled to purchase meaniful gifts,in either their
monetary value or thoughtfulness. It's that time when
you scrap together your cash, max your credit cards,
and indulge yourself in food & drink. Ironically, it
is one of our most hedonistic times of the year, set
against the background of remarkable spiritual
holidays of Christmas, Hannuchah and Kwanzaa. I mean,
have any of you, either through your experience or
through personal research educated yourself about any
of these holidays? They kick a lot of ass and I find
it so cool that they all kind of come around the same
time because they all communicate faith, cooperation,
love and determination. Wow, could we use a little
more of that around here, eh?! So why do we sour the
messages with consumerism?--is it to cover our shame
and pain for being naughty rather than nice? When
your mind wanders into alley of thought, it's an
interesting discourse on societal behavior. And even
the most devout believers in any one of these faiths
gets sucked into the black hole of shopping for the
perfect gift to amend an alliance or fill a void in a
relationship.

Now, listen, I am not here to make us all feel like a
piece of crap for buying the XBox or that gift
certicate to Walmart. I am, just as all of you, feel
the gravitational pull towards purchasing affections.
I am not sure how many people I disclosed this matter
to, but I gave up shopping for one year. After reading
NOT BUYING IT, by Judith Levine, this past summer,
Ryan and I pledged to only buy essentials like school
supplies, food and gas. We did put a disclaimer
statement in our contract that camping/fishing was an
emotional essential that needed to be put on our list.
So, you can imagine how difficult it has been to stay
on course. I am definitely meeting my "dark side"
this holiday season where I feel tremendous guilt for
not buying presents for loved ones. And can I tell you
that this holiday has been the worst for Ryan, as he
has been wrought with homesickness all month long. I
want so badly to buy him a keyboard or drill press to
numb his pain. Yet, I have to be true to my word
which is so hard. And, last night, I had to tell Ryan
to take back his Xmas present for me because I know
him well enough that he would buckle at the pressure.
He admitted that he had bought me something and
consented to take it back. Talk about "Bah, Hum Bug".
......So I find it personally amazing that during this
wrestling match with my "demons", I have found such
joy and fascination in this holiday season. I can
actually embrace the lights, the music, the parties
and other festivities with honest good cheer. I am a
holiday "observer" in ever sense of the word. And, if
I met Judith Levine on the street, I would slap a big
wet kiss on her cheek for helping me to know that I am
not what I have or what I can buy for others. My
definition of myself is much larger than "consumer".
So I offer to you that gift of knowing that no matter
what you give, there is no greater present than just
your mere presence alone.

Every day, in every way, I learn something new. I
wanted to share with you one lesson that I got
schooled in this week, perhaps inciting you to another
perspective of Christmas. On Tuesday, an eight year
old told me that you have to follow in the footsteps
of Jesus-ONE STEP AT A TIME. Of course,with such a
gentle comment, I nodded in agreement and smiled.
Although my personal view of Jesus isn't one of
religious significance albeit I enjoy his "story":
Here's a guy from humble beginnings, born in a barn,
raised in a low class family, who, esentially, grows
up to change the world by challenging the systems of
modern society. Outside from being a radical liberal,
I also appreciated his message (Love your neighbor as
yourself) and courage to engage people in analysis of
their values and beliefs. So when an innocent child
tells me to follow the steps of Jesus, I observe it as
a sweet reminder to live out my dreams and passions,
no matter what the short or long-term outcome (I don't
believe Jesus wanted to invent Christianity.)
Someone once said that "LIfe is either a daring
adventure or nothing." Naturally I am asking myself,
so, what is MY MESSAGE? And I pose that question to
you as well, What is YOUR MESSAGE? May I suggest that
we Pursue life with conviction, which that is, for me,
the message of Christmas. It is never too late to be
the person who you have always wanted to BE. And do
it, ONE STEP AT A TIME.
(Damn, I hope I have the right shoe!)

My eyes are losing their focus from staring at the
screen and I am sure that many of you have had enough
glad tidings of comfort and joy. But I wish you all
wellness, peace in your hearts, and love in your life.

So grab that mistle toe and spike the egg nog! Happy
Holidays!!

Throwing Up

2006-11-10T03:41:59Z

I would like to blame someone or something for things that I don't like in my life. I would like to blame the change in seasons on my persistent snot. And then I would like to blame this sour physical feeling on my perspective on my weight, my finances, my relationships......I want to blame someone or something because, sometimes, it is so painful to blame yourself, to take responsibility. Ouch. I have created this?--What was I thinking??

I feel like I have stumbled into the wilderness, into some remote forest that is dark, cavernous, and isolated. Or maybe I am in the desert-well I am, aren't I?! And I thirst and hunger for these feelings of powerlessness to subside. I want to escape?? I want to transform--really I do. I want to create an oasis in the desert, where joy springs forward and my mind is flooded with clarity.

In this wilderness I discover that I am a magnet, attracting what I am thinking and feeling about. It makes sense for me to pay attention to what I am thinking because it creates my experience. What I give thought to, I invite it into my experience. So what have I been focusing on??-what has created this thirst and hunger?!!

My oasis, have I found you yet?? How long shall I be traveling in this state of untamed desires? I bend down to taste your cool waters......Shall I be quenched.

footnote to self

2006-08-02T00:54:09Z

I have heard people refer to others' lives as -"that's the story you're telling yourself"; everyone has their own perspective on reality--cup half full or half empty kind of stuff.

Today I was struck by a quote from Eckart Tolle, who said, "Silence is God's language. The rest is just a translation".

Now this comment jostled my version of "reality" because I had been thinking about how loud the kids were today at camp-young teens elbowing for center of attention can be quite noisy. So this got me thinking, what about next time, when I am perplexed by their decibel level, I focus my attention on any fleeting moment of silence istead of the loudness itself. My experiment for this week and next. I wonder if the "story" will change.

And, who knows, I might just talk to God. Maybe he'll mention what stocks to buy. Sweet.

My Relationship with Jesus

2006-08-02T00:40:20Z

So tomorrow I am going to a job interview for a substitute at a Christian school. I had to fill out a lengthy application for this position, which surprised me at what they were interested in-everything from my philosophy on pre-school education to my relationship with Jesus. Shucks, I had more short answer questions than I did on my Peace Corps application, and I think I wrote more words than all my college scholarship essays combined. I just can't wait to see what they will ask me tomorrow- I hope whatever inquiries into my character that I answer without breaking into laughter.

Oh, by the Blood of Jesus, may I be saved from asinine questions and conservative right wing politics.

If I hadn't of quit shopping, I might have purchased a "Jesus was a Liberal" bumper sticker just for this occassion.

Monsoon Madness

2006-08-01T04:12:37Z

Do you know that a town northwest of Tucson, Marana, had to be evacuated due to flooding? ( I would have said suburb of Tucson, but it makes Tucson should big like Pheonix, Albeqerque, or Denver-which it is not, or atleast it doesn't feel that way). They officially called it a state of emergency, which, even though they reported it on the news, I still have a hard time believing. The Desert-- Flooded? It's true, two high pressure fronts have imprisoned a low pressure system that is hovering over Arizona and New Mexico. An image of a little kid squeezing juice from an orange comes to mind.
So it goes here. Now all the people who have been whining over our drought and forest fires are putting away their drums and rain dance costumes so they can bail water.

Personally, I still chant and drone on for some more of this liquid stuff, even if the gorgeous smell that accompanies desert rain storms seems to have been diluted. And it's not because I love watching the "washes" (some wise guy idea for water drainage which turns into a temporary river during hard rains) filled to the brim with swift muddy water; I am concerned about where the coyote are now playing. No, and it's not due to the overwhelming greeness of the thirsty desert plants, although I do snicker when I see small lakes form on golf courses. Not exactly, although it is in my top ten. Actually I am in love with the rain today because of traffic. Yes, you read that last sentence correctly-TRAFFIC. You want to know why? I tell you why.......

So I am housesitting/dogsitting for my sister while she is out at Campland (yes, it's actually a place, somewhere in San Diego), so I must commute between the northeast side of town (where I live and work) and Oro Valley, a "suburb" north of Tucson, mostly known for its traffic tickets and cooking cutter homes. They have all sorts of roads blocked off, and detours abound over here-I guess all those land developers and builders didn't think much to plan for heavy rains on this side of town. Anyway-back to my story-so I am sitting in some hideous traffic, which wasn't bothering me a bit, although I did wonder about how much gas I was wasting due to this jam. Yah, so I am listening to this book on tape about the POWER OF NOW, when my attention drifts to my rearview mirror. There is a couple behind me, with a nine year old girl (now all this is complete speculation- I know not whether the two middle aged adults were a "couple" nor the true age of this child;however, I am certain that the child was a girl.) sitting in the backseat, caring not about the messy road situation. The couple, a heavy set gentlemen (notice I did not say overweight) with dark wavy hair and a moustache that was nostalgic of Tom Selick in Magman P.I. was driving with a long haired blonde lady who took to matching her outfit with the car seat covers, which were red and white tropical flower designs. They were gesticulating robustly when it occured to me that they were not argueing-argueing but were communicating at a whole other level that many of us take for granted-body language. But it wasn't body language, maybe hand language, which sounds weird so someone somewhere along the line must have renamed it Sign Language. Yes,they were signing to each other. I turned off the radio for a while so I could "eavsdrop" on their conversation, which I could not help but laugh when the man "told" the lady to "shut up" after she offered him her advice about an alternative route they could take to avoid this standstill. The girl child-totally oblivous during this disagreement.

I can't tell why I laughed. Something about it I found funny; and quite honestly, I was sad to have to finally turn off, away from this stream of automobiles, onto my much needed road that would lead me back to my sister's house, because I felt I had shared a moment with them, as if we weren't complete strangers anymore.

Alas, I am grateful for the traffic, because if all was running smoothly today, I would have sped past this moment, like so many moments in my life. But today I observed myself, observing others-a rare episode indeed when you can chuckle at yourself for your odd infatuation with others' lives. A voyeur? Maybe that is why I laughed.